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I never knew my everyday words could be so powerful until one rainy Tuesday morning in therapy. My therapist handed me a simple worksheet and said, “Write down the things you tell yourself this week.”
At first, it seemed like no big deal. But after a few days of writing down my thoughts, I was shocked by what I found. I caught myself saying things like “I’m just not creative,” “I’ll never be good at speaking in front of people,” and “Other people are born leaders, but I’m not one of them.” I had been saying these things for so long that they felt normal.
These negative thoughts were like invisible walls I had built around myself, one negative comment at a time. Little did I know this simple activity would completely transform my world view and set me on a path to developing a growth mindset that would change my life.
As I learned more about the difference between believing you can’t improve (fixed mindset) and believing you can grow (growth mindset), I understood something important: The words I used weren’t just describing my limits—they were actually creating them.
Words Shape What We Think
Have you ever really paid attention to how you talk to yourself? I didn’t, until I started writing down my thoughts. What I found out changed everything. The words we use don’t just show what we’re thinking—they actually create our thoughts and feelings.
When I started listening to my inner voice, I was surprised by how often I put myself down without even knowing it. I would think things like:
- “I can’t handle this project.”
- “I’m not good at public speaking.”
- “There’s no way I can reach that goal“.
These weren’t just random thoughts floating around in my head. They were like building blocks, creating a fixed mindset that kept me from seeing what I could really do. But here’s the good news: Once you notice these patterns, you can change them! Let me show you how different words can help you see new possibilities.
Words are powerful tools that shape our internal landscape.
Growth Mindset The Magic Word ‘Yet’
The first meaningful change in my journey came from adding one simple word: “yet.” Adding these three letters completely changed my inner voice:
- “I can’t handle this project” turned into “I can’t handle this project yet, but I believe I will develop the ability to manage it soon.“
- “I’m not good at speaking to groups” became “I’m not good at speaking to groups yet“
This small change makes a huge difference. Adding “yet” means you’re not stuck—you can learn and get better. It’s like turning a wall into a door.
When you use “yet,” you’re telling yourself that even though something is hard right now, you can improve with practice and effort.
Turning “Have to” into “Choose to”: Taking Control
Another big change happened when I looked at how I talked about things I needed to do. I discovered that switching from saying “I have to” to “I choose to” changed how I felt about my tasks:
Before: “I have to get ready for my presentation tomorrow.“
After: “I choose to get ready for my presentation tomorrow.”
This simple change in words reminds us that we usually have a choice, even when we don’t love our options. It helped me see that I have more control over my life than I sometime realize.
Learn a different way to think
In my role leading ecommerce for a global company, I’ve seen how the words we use about mistakes can either make people want to try new things or make them afraid to take risks. Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, I now see them as useful information. Here’s how I changed how I talk about errors:
Old way: “Ugh, I made a mistake.” New way: “This shows me what I need to work on to get better.”
For example, when one of our product launches didn’t go as planned, instead of saying “This was a failure,” our team said “This feedback helps us understand what customers really want.” This mindset led us to create something even better.
Remember this: mistakes help us learn and grow. They’re not just okay to make—they’re actually important for getting better at anything you want to do.
The Color of Your Words: Positive versus Negative Self-Talk
Think of your words as having color. Negative self-talk (like “I can’t do this”) paints your world in dark, gloomy colors. But positive self-talk (like “I’m learning to do this”) makes your world bright and full of possibilities.
Here’s a fun experiment I tried: For one week, I used two highlighters when writing down my thoughts. Red for negative self-talk and green for positive self-talk. When I looked back at my notes, the colors really showed me how I was talking to myself and encouraged a positive belief. It was like seeing a picture of what was going on in my head!
Making Better Word Choices a Habit
Want to change how you talk to yourself? Here are some things that worked for me:
- Keep a list of better word choices on your desk or in your phone. For example: Instead of “This is too hard” Try “This is challenging but I can figure it out”
- Pick one phrase you want to change each week. Really focus on just that one until it feels natural.
- Write down what you say to yourself in a journal. It helps you spot patterns.
- Tell a friend or family member about what you’re trying to change to encourage accountability. They can help remind you.
- At the end of each day, think about the positive words you used and how they made you feel.
Remember, changing how you talk to yourself takes time – just like learning anything new. But here’s the cool part: The English language gives us so many ways to express ourselves and encourages creativity. You just need to find the words that work best for you!
How Your Brain Responds to Your Words
Did you know your brain actually changes based on the words you use? It’s true! When you talk to yourself with encouragement (like “I can figure this out”), your brain creates new pathways that help you learn and grow. It’s like building new roads in your mind that lead to better places and situations.
What Changed When I Changed My Words
Since I started using more positive words, I’ve noticed some big differences in my life:
- At work: I now try things I used to think were “too hard” for me
- With friends and family: I communicate better because I use more positive words
- In my personal life: I set goals I never thought I could reach – and I’m reaching them!
A Letter to My Future Self
Here’s something that really helped me: I wrote a letter to myself in the future, but I made sure to only use words that showed I could grow and improve. When I read it later, I was amazed at how differently I saw what I could do. It’s like my old words were putting a limit on my dreams, and my new words opened up possibilities.
Moving Forward: Your Turn to Change
Changing your words isn’t just about being positive – it’s about seeing yourself and what you can do more clearly. Here’s how you can start:
- Notice the words you use when you talk to yourself
- Pick one thing you want to change (like how you talk about math class)
- Practice using new, better words
- Be proud when you catch yourself using better words, as it shows your ability to grow.
- Tell others about what you’re doing – they might want to try it too!
Remember, the words you use don’t just affect how you think about yourself – they change your mindset, how you learn, grow, and see the world around you.
My Journey Continues
I’m still working on changing how I talk to myself – and you know what? Some days it’s easy, and other days it’s really hard. But I’ve learned something important: putting in the effort to change those negative thoughts into positive ones is totally worth it. The words we choose don’t just tell our story – they help write our future.
Think about it: Your words are like a superpower you can use to change your life. Whether you’re trying to ace that tough class, make the team, reach a personal goal, or just see yourself in a better way, the words you choose really matter.
So let’s make our words count – one positive thought at a time.
